does he, does he not
There's this boy at work, my lunch buddy in fact, who's slowly driving me crazy. Does he or does he not? If there were a field of daisies handy, I'd pick them clean.
I guess I've always fancied him, but always repressed it, mainly because he was in The Firm. And there have been times when I thought there might have been a flash of fancy from his end too. But it was always a matter of timing.
But recently.. more hope. But it's all a jumble of mixed signals from his end. Might-have-been starts. Then stops. That question and all T could see were his eyes shining, his gaze straight and unwavering.. was it a question? Or that comment with his sidelong (meaningful??) glance. That tenderness in his voice, a sense of vulnerability in the cab, eluding my questions... was that for me or someone else? His piercing questions—was he trying to force an admission from me? But then why a name, was it a name to throw off my scent, or because truly it was her?
Assuming that it was her, and I bow down to her. Why then my "loving arms"— but say we put that down to alcohol ignore the comment over lunch, but why the question "Are you impressed.." with that gentle, slightly tender tone?
He's confusing the hell out of me.
The boy is either:
i) very very good (in which case I salute him)
ii) manipulative/cruel (in which case I'll kill him)
iii) insecure (honey, but so am I. and he Knows the way I am... programmed instinctively to put guys off—he called me the most disastrous person he'd seen in 4, 5 years, so as it is, he's doing Great by this girl's standards)
iv) undecided (fair enough)
v) oblivious (and just naturally like that you know... cryptic. unaware)
And yet he did not return my missed call. And I don't know if he is back at work (is he, is he not? And I refuse to contact him). Ooooh... I feel like sticking pins into his eyes or tearing up his photo or doing some voodoo shit. Except that I'm fond of the boy and if I had a choice, I'd really like us to be friends.. buds.. you know, who'd hang outside of work. Just platonic is fine. Like when it's 11.30pm at night and I'm feeling depressed and aimless and want to go for a drink, he should at least return the missed call (I don't leave messages).
Anyway... I'll leave it to fate and destiny. But I Am endlessly curious. It's an itch I can't help scratching. That's the thing that's driving me up the wall, not knowing for certain. And if the annoying boy continues to not return missed calls, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. Hey, that's what friends are for.
I guess I've always fancied him, but always repressed it, mainly because he was in The Firm. And there have been times when I thought there might have been a flash of fancy from his end too. But it was always a matter of timing.
But recently.. more hope. But it's all a jumble of mixed signals from his end. Might-have-been starts. Then stops. That question and all T could see were his eyes shining, his gaze straight and unwavering.. was it a question? Or that comment with his sidelong (meaningful??) glance. That tenderness in his voice, a sense of vulnerability in the cab, eluding my questions... was that for me or someone else? His piercing questions—was he trying to force an admission from me? But then why a name, was it a name to throw off my scent, or because truly it was her?
Assuming that it was her, and I bow down to her. Why then my "loving arms"— but say we put that down to alcohol ignore the comment over lunch, but why the question "Are you impressed.." with that gentle, slightly tender tone?
He's confusing the hell out of me.
The boy is either:
i) very very good (in which case I salute him)
ii) manipulative/cruel (in which case I'll kill him)
iii) insecure (honey, but so am I. and he Knows the way I am... programmed instinctively to put guys off—he called me the most disastrous person he'd seen in 4, 5 years, so as it is, he's doing Great by this girl's standards)
iv) undecided (fair enough)
v) oblivious (and just naturally like that you know... cryptic. unaware)
And yet he did not return my missed call. And I don't know if he is back at work (is he, is he not? And I refuse to contact him). Ooooh... I feel like sticking pins into his eyes or tearing up his photo or doing some voodoo shit. Except that I'm fond of the boy and if I had a choice, I'd really like us to be friends.. buds.. you know, who'd hang outside of work. Just platonic is fine. Like when it's 11.30pm at night and I'm feeling depressed and aimless and want to go for a drink, he should at least return the missed call (I don't leave messages).
Anyway... I'll leave it to fate and destiny. But I Am endlessly curious. It's an itch I can't help scratching. That's the thing that's driving me up the wall, not knowing for certain. And if the annoying boy continues to not return missed calls, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. Hey, that's what friends are for.
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